BTM Issue 04-2009

TOP STORY: Former rock star, Yumi has been chosen to launch the first BLOAToons Fatness Gym. She said this would be worth it after her former partner, Ami left to take part of a celebrity endorsement for Super SUMO Soda
YUMI: And to think I was too cool for being obese. Now I'm large and even more incharge!
ALSO THIS MONTH: We go behind the scenes of BLOAToons Cinema’s First Motion Picture STUFF MANDY starring Kids Next Door, Numbah 3.
After facing her final mission at the ice cream factory, see how this high-spirited child star has now become a 300 pound goddess of action films
NUMBAH 3: At first i thought it was fun being all soft and squishy, but after working in that film, it's not all pillow fights and playing bongo on your belly

This following article about Yumi launches the BLOAToons Gym is written by Thanks, buddy

She’s been called many things. Goddess of rock, The Ultimate Punk Chick, but these days now, her fans know Yumi Yoshimura as the ‘biggest’ name in rock history. Literally, she’s enormous.

Almost one year ago, from Japan to the United States, fans were shocked to see the stupendous career of the “Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi” band finally come to an end. Despite still retaining a large and loyal fan base, band member Ami abruptly called it quits when she was hand selected to be the face of Super SUMO Soda. According to Yumi, the deal meant a lot of money, and there was only one catch. Ami Onuki would have to gain a ton of weight. Anyone endorsing something called “Super SUMO Soda” cannot be skinny after all. Rather than turn the other way in disgust from this offer like her band mate expected, Yumi was stunned to see Ami willingly sign the contract.

Over the next few weeks, Yumi watched as her friend went under a rigorous training, for her stomach anyway. Everyday, professional chefs hired by the SUMO Soda corporation were sent to the band’s tour bus. Only the greasiest and most fattening foods were served, and at first Ami was starting to have second thoughts. Apparently though, once they brought in the dessert, she definitely took a shine to her new diet. Cookies, from sugar to triple chocolate chip, ice cream in all thirty one, and even a secret 32nd flavor(which were unable to discuss or face prosecution), and once she was served a “Cocoa vanilla pudding cake with fudge frosting” which has 22,611 calories, per crumb!

At last, when the next big show came around, the world was introduced to the new and improved Ami. Those who attended the concert may recall that when the lights came on, only Yumi appeared on the stage. Before anyone could question this though, the ground began to shake. Loud stomps were heard as something massive lumbered her way onto stage. Finally, everyone’s eyes popped out of their heads when they saw what Ami had done to herself. It looked like her entire body had ballooned with tons and tons of fat. Her belly seemed to create her entire form now, as her legs had been lost beneath the massive thing. Audiences could only guess what she looked like from ‘behind’.

In the end, another successful show was performed by the dynamic rock duo. However, after that when the tour was winding down, it soon became apparent to Yumi and her manager Kaz that Ami had changed. When ever she had to rehearse, she couldn’t sing because her mouth always had a slice of pizza in her mouth. When the girls had free time, Yumi usually ended up by herself because Ami never felt like leaving bus, and not just because she had trouble squeezing through the door. She was quoted as to saying “I have to stay in shape. A nice round shape for the sponsors. Besides, there’s so much food still here, can’t let it go to waste.” Afterwards she smiled and slapped her fat belly, making it jiggle like mad and chugged another Super SUMO Soda.
Despite the nonchalant attitude, eventually even Ami noticed she had changed. According to Yumi, one night she sat down with her best friend, somehow finding a spot Ami’s massive derrière hadn’t already covered, and they realized what had happened. Ami’s love rock had waned ever since she started pigging out as apparently she had found a new passion in life, eating. She said she loved her fat body, and everything about. How soft it was, the very bigness itself, and how much more cuter she looked with those puffy cheeks.

“Even I had to admit, she did look adorable.” A word that Yumi has not repeated since. Unfortunately, upon realizing this, it became clear what had to be done, and so it came to pass, that Ami and Yumi went their separate ways. Her long time friend had found something she loved even more than their music, and as result, Yumi hung up her guitar…and picked up a contract.

Only days after the breakup of Puffy Ami Yumi, she was contacted by some former associates of the Super SUMO Soda industry. These individuals had left the company to pursue a business that was another sumo sized money making opportunity.

“The BLOAToons Gym, the first ever establishment not centered around getting fit, but instead for anyone out there who not only feels comfortable in their plump skin, but wishes to get even bigger.” That’s what the first televised announcement stated. A gym entirely devoted not to losing weight, but gaining it. History in the making, and Yumi had been hand selected to be the face of the company.

“They decided, that if their old bosses got to have Ami, then it seemed kind of obvious that I should be their spokes-person. Still, I wasn’t so sure.” Yumi stated. When she had first been offered the deal, she turned down those men in suits. She had millions to live off of for most likely the rest of her life, she didn’t need the money. Also, she figured, why would she want to be a part of something so similar to what ended her rock and roll career. Granted she gave Ami her blessing when she left, but there was of course resent.

Just as she shut the door on that opportunity however, it was opened once again by an old friend. Ami had heard from heard about the future BLOAToons Gym, and someone in the soda company told her that they had heard one of their friends, a former employee went to Yumi and she shot them down. Rather than laughing about it like them though, Ami went right over to her friend to have a talk with her.

“I was really happy to see her, we hadn’t talked in almost a year. She was even bigger then I remembered. So we sat down, I let her raid the fridge, and then she started telling me I should take the offer. I said ‘No way Ami. I may not have much plans for the future, but even they do not involve becoming a blimp It’s weird enough that Kuki Sanbon girl has signed a movie deal with BLOAToons.” That sparked an expected reaction from her plus sized friend that was unexpected by Yumi.

“Oh, Then I guess I’m weird for being fat too huh?’ That’s what she said. I don’t know why I said it like that, but I guess I meant it. Fortunately, Ami’s a real sweet and caring person and she accepted my apology. She told me how much she loved being this big. She honestly couldn’t believe that she ever liked being skinny. Sure she knew she was pretty, but now she saw herself as beautiful. She wasn’t the only one, Ami said she had been getting fan mail by the mail truck since showing off her hippo hips. She pointed out that I didn’t have anything else going on, so maybe I should give this a try. She pointed that despite being in rival companies, her contract didn’t say anything about not helping me out, and as cliché as it sounded, when she said it would be just like old times, I crumpled like a piece of paper.” While Yumi did not admit these, Ami repeatedly has commented that her friend gave her a great big bear hug, and actually snuggled into her soft body.

While Yumi did agree to partake in the gym’s new “Fatness” regiment, she stated that she wasn’t signing anything until she saw herself in the mirror after bulking up. Unwilling to let such a famous potential client slip away, her new bosses agreed.

“I walked in their, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The place looked like a gym, but all of the machines were not geared towards losing weight, and I was going to try them all.” Yumi clarified. When she was working on her scapula, she was actually pulling down a baked ham, and each pull got her another bite. On the treadmill, directly above her was a conveyor belt with every type of pizza on it, and it would only move towards her mouth if she kept running. Dumbbells had oversized donuts instead of weights, and each curl gave her another bite. A specially designed aerobics for “BLOAToons” as they are called involved trying to stretch ones enlarged form to get at plates of food on the floor, just out of reach from their bulging bellies. By the time Yumi got that one, she was developing a gut and much more. Even the locker rooms were designed to help someone gain weight. The steam room was actually a spot to cook hot dogs and burgers. Yumi stated that as delicious as it got, the steam really did a number on her hair. Nearby, the pool was actually filled with milkshakes instead of water. It’s tougher to swim in, but you get a mouthful of delicious ice cream with each breath. The Jacuzzi was even filled with noodles and broth, and apparently when Yumi tried it, she drank the whole thing.
“My gut was sloshing for hours.” She said.

“Everything was just so delicious, I couldn’t stop eating. Next thing I knew, I was the biggest thing since Sumo wrestlers, literally.” Yumi said. As commented, when she went public with her new look, everybody was talking about her. She was on every television screen and magazine cover from America to Japan, even if the cameras had to move back pretty far too fit in her entire frame. It’s said that Yumi is the same size and weight as Ami, but she has repeatedly stated that she is the big one. Later in the year there will actually be an eating contest to determine that once and for all.

Most importantly, thanks to Yumi’s publicity, everyone in the world suddenly wanted to join the BLOAToons Gym. The first ten members got to train exclusively with Yumi herself.

“And to think I was too cool for being obese. Now I'm large and even more in charge!” Yumi proclaimed in her first interview. It seems life has once again become exciting and fun for the former rocker. Not only is she an inspiration to the future BLOAToons out there, but she has finally found something to be passionate about, eating and getting fatter, just like Ami. Speaking of whom, the two of them have been sighted hanging out together many times, either renting out an entire restaurant for dinner, and appearing at the latest celebrity events. It’s quite a sight to see them step out of a limo.

But what about Puffy Ami Yumi? With these two friends again, some people have been wondering if we might see a new age for the former Japanese punk rock queens. Neither have said anything definitive, but once when asked, Yumi did state, with a fanged grin, that if she ever did pick up a guitar again, she has already picked a stage name, “The Round Rocker.”